April Fool’s Day – Tricked you!

Daddy

Except……not so much.

Twenty years ago today, 1st April 1998, you died Dad. We never had any warning. Only a big, bad April Fool Surprise.

Twenty years ago today, and I still can’t find the words in me to write about you.
Loving, scary, clever, weak, brave, complicated you.

When I heard this song, it stuck with me. And the lyrics of this song are all I can use to tell you that I miss you.

All credit to Lukas Graham – his song (sorry dude, I had to change a word or two here and there!).

You’re Not There

I only got you in my stories
And you know I tell them right
I remember you and I, when I’m awake at night
So give it up for fallen glory
I never got to say goodbye

I wish I could ask for just a bit more time

Every step I take, you used to lead the way
I was terrified to face it on my own

You’re not there
To celebrate the children that you made
You’re not there
To share in our success and mistakes
Is it fair?
You’ll never know the people we’ll be
You’re not there
With me

Though I know that you’re not there
I still write you all these songs
It’s like you got the right to know what’s going on
As I struggle to remember how you used to look and sound
At times I still think I can spot you in the crowd

Every step I take, you used to lead the way
And I was terrified to face it on my own

You’re not there
To celebrate the children that you made
You’re not there
To share in our success and mistakes
Is it fair?
You’ll never know the people we’ll be
You’re not there
With me

Time can heal your wounds if you’re strong and standing tall
I’ve been doing all of that, it didn’t help at all
They say, “You’ll grow older, and it’ll get better still”
Yes, I will, but no, it won’t
They don’t get it’s cause

You’re not there
To celebrate the children that you made
You’re not there
To share in our success and mistakes
Is it fair?
You’ll never know the people we’ll be
You’re not there
With me

Xxx

Stanley Knapp, born 31st July 1939. Died 1st April 1998.

RIP Daddy.

 

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Thirteen Things….A Message To My Children

images

This was posted on Facebook recently by my friend Svenya, for her son, Tanyan’s 13th birthday.

Kieran and Tanyan are basically besties and as Kieran is turning 13 in May, I asked Svenya if I could steal it and post it on my blog.  It resonated so deeply and is something we can constantly affirm to our children, no matter what their ages……

13 Things I want you to know…

  •  Parents don’t know everything, but they know more than you can imagine.
  • It’s okay not to fit in, don’t try and be someone you’re not.
  • Whatever arguments your parents have, it is never your fault.
  • Try your best.  Always.
  • Mistakes don’t define you, even if they define a certain moment in your life.
  • Feeling angry, sad or powerless at times is okay.  Don’t fight those feelings.  Find a way to get to a better place.
  • Nobody will remember 20 years from now whether you were picked first or last to be on a team, don’t sweat it.
  • Needing is different from wanting, learn the difference and don’t forget it.
  • Don’t be scared of failure, all setbacks have the potential to become something positive, even if they hurt.
  • Hang in there – when it gets dark, it really is the darkest before dawn.
  • I will always be an arms length away, even if you want to be alone.
  • Choose your friends wisely, the best ones will bring you so much joy, the worst will bring you down.
  • I love you.  No matter what you do.  No matter what you say.  I might not always agree with you and we might not always like each other all the time, but I will always love you for being you

And lastly, don’t stop shifting my crown and never stop asking me for random hugs and kisses.

I love you more than all the sand on all the beaches

Love

Mom